Sunday, September 03, 2006

Fear of Engulfment

Ok, I have been doing some reading.

I think I have put a better name to my ailment. It’s not the fear of intimacy that plagues me; rather, it is the fear of engulfment -- of being invaded, of being controlled, and then losing myself.

I guess this paragraph pretty well sums it all up -- I found it on the web:

“When we learn how to speak up for ourselves and not allow others to invade, smother, dominate and control us, we will no longer fear losing ourselves in a relationship. Many people, terrified of losing the other person, will give themselves up in the hope of controlling how the other person feels about them. They believe that if they comply with another's demands, the other will love them. Yet losing oneself is terrifying, so many people stay out of relationships due to this fear. If they were to learn to define their own worth and stand up for themselves, the fear would disappear.”

It is true, I am afraid of losing myself…I have just started to really like myself, and the thought of losing who I am that makes me quake in my boots; specially because it has happened to me a few times before.

I do not want to loose who I am becoming.


Jeremy said...

Hi Jay,

I was part of group 23 in Namibia. I was stationed 250km east of Gobabis (on the border of Botswana). I stumbled upon your blog last week and I've spent more time than I'd like to admit going through the history of your blog, tracing the process, comparing your emotions to mine, laughing at similar reactions, etc. The first 6 months of my service I did a great job keeping in touch with friends and family, but the longer I was there the harder it was for me to write. I completed my full two years but it was not easy. I think one of the reasons I had trouble writing is because I wasn't having a lot fun, I wasn't having a lot of success, and I struggled to make meaningful connections. How do you share that with people who are so far away?

Anyway, I hope Namibia is doing well, and I wish you the best of luck!

jev82 said...


I really enjoy your blog. Please keep posting! Also, I was wondering what steps need to be taken to be able to maintain a blog overseas? We are heading to West Africa soon and I would really like to make a post or two every now and then without over-stepping boundaries.

Jake (