Broken

I thought it would be enough to fill my heart with love.

I thought my full heart would convince her I was the right man, but my full heart was not enough, and then it broke, and she saw my weakness.

Now, I am even alone in my dreams.

My First Present to Myself

I just remembered that when I am feeling really sad, it is most likely that I have a bunch of emotions that I have not yet shared with right person, and that finally sharing them can make a big, positive difference in how I feel.

Cake

Here is a picture of the cake that my friends got for me on my birthday!

Following My Heart

I was just making some updates to my blog format, and I happened to re-read its title "Following My Heart".

I realized, it is very easy to know where my heart points -- I only need to think about something, and then be quiet and still. My heart is getting used to speaking up for itself, but it still needs me to give it a little room to announce how it feels.

As a birthday present to my heart, I am going to listen to it as much as I can today!

Birthday

Today is my birthday. I am happy to be experiencing yet another one. :-)

I am just now waiting for a ride. I am going to teach for a couple of hours on HIV/AIDS related topics to a small group of my Namibian friends. I am excited for this class, because it will be with friends, and I like giving the presentation that I will be showing them.

I am hoping that later today a friend will come over and we can cook a nice birthday meal together, while listening to music and then watch a nice movie while we eat our freshly cooked food.

Presents

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have been thinking about what I want for a long time. I realized that I have everything I need right now, except one thing...a partner. I thought by now, I would have found the special woman that is out in the world waiting for me.

I go back-and-forth between:

1. Being OK with being alone and rationalizing that I must first learn to completely enjoy being alone before being able to full be with another person.
2. Feeling a starving hunger for a woman who I can be (as people in the North Namibia say) one person with. (Its a saying that just means to be in a relationship with another person)

Still In The Hoek

I am still in Windhoek. I have been creating a database for the Peace Corp to use. The database will help Namibia's Peace Corps administration track the activities reported by their volunteers.

I think I will be going back home this weekend. Next week, I will be helping with a gender norms workshop in the north.