OK, I'm better now -- I saw a Humvee and didn't freak out.
Jay.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
None
Sometimes I am afraid I am being selfish in leaving this year. There are things here that I have not yet finished, and they may go smoother if I stay.
But I can't stay, not after seeing what I have already seen in those places that have so much less than here.
The truth is, every day it gets harder for me to stay. I feel as though I have contracted some strange virus of the mind that is slowly changing my values.
I used watch civilian version Humvees roll by with wonder and envy. This Sunday, when I saw one roll by, the wake of its excess covered me, and I felt as though the weight of all my own excesses where made visible to those that have so little. I felt humiliated.
But I can't stay, not after seeing what I have already seen in those places that have so much less than here.
The truth is, every day it gets harder for me to stay. I feel as though I have contracted some strange virus of the mind that is slowly changing my values.
I used watch civilian version Humvees roll by with wonder and envy. This Sunday, when I saw one roll by, the wake of its excess covered me, and I felt as though the weight of all my own excesses where made visible to those that have so little. I felt humiliated.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
10 Days Left
Well, there are 10 days left in my estimate of when I will receive medical clearance...I hope I was right!
A Beautiful Nun with a Hug
Well, I let myself get thrown off balance yesterday.
Late in the day, I found out that my grandpa had to go back into surgery to fix a problem that appeared after his initial surgery. I quickly left work and rushed up to St. Cloud to see him before he went into surgery -- I missed catching him by about 10 minutes. :-(
Everything went fine, and he is doing well. I had been very worried, so worried in fact, that I let myself fall out-of-balance.
I got home at around 11:00 PM last night, and practiced harmonica for about 30 minutes before crashing into bed.
I didn't wake up until noon -- I missed a 10:00 appointment but still tried to get there to help wrap it up -- my cell phone was dead, my car was out of gas, I printed out the wrong MapQuest directions, I got lost for over 45 minutes, and I was becoming extremely frustrated with the other traffic (not normal for me). When I arrived, I noticed I had not replaced my gas cap -- it was still hanging from its retaining strap.
I had a surreal feeling as it was all happening, as I took wrong turn after wrong turn -- I knew I was off balance, but I kept going.
I wish there was a store that sold custom hugs. I would buy one of those extra special, warm, gentle, reassuring hugs -- the kind I would imagine getting from a beautiful, loving nun -- the kind of nun that has eyes overflowing with care for the world.
Late in the day, I found out that my grandpa had to go back into surgery to fix a problem that appeared after his initial surgery. I quickly left work and rushed up to St. Cloud to see him before he went into surgery -- I missed catching him by about 10 minutes. :-(
Everything went fine, and he is doing well. I had been very worried, so worried in fact, that I let myself fall out-of-balance.
I got home at around 11:00 PM last night, and practiced harmonica for about 30 minutes before crashing into bed.
I didn't wake up until noon -- I missed a 10:00 appointment but still tried to get there to help wrap it up -- my cell phone was dead, my car was out of gas, I printed out the wrong MapQuest directions, I got lost for over 45 minutes, and I was becoming extremely frustrated with the other traffic (not normal for me). When I arrived, I noticed I had not replaced my gas cap -- it was still hanging from its retaining strap.
I had a surreal feeling as it was all happening, as I took wrong turn after wrong turn -- I knew I was off balance, but I kept going.
I wish there was a store that sold custom hugs. I would buy one of those extra special, warm, gentle, reassuring hugs -- the kind I would imagine getting from a beautiful, loving nun -- the kind of nun that has eyes overflowing with care for the world.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
A Thirsty Devil
When I get lost, I smile a devilish smile, because its then that I have the best chance of finding something new.
When I find myself judging others, I stop and give myself a warm, gentle hug (the more I judge myself, the more I find myself judging others -- the more I love myself, the more I love others and judge them less).
When I am done being angry, I become thoughtful -- the recognition of my anger propels me to look inside and understand its source.
When I start to feel lonely, I write down my thoughts -- and go to coffee shops.
That must be why I am getting a little thirsty.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
