Following My Heart

This Story Ends

2008-10-15T20:58:00.004+02:00

Today I officially completed my COS (close of service) with the Peace Corps. Now I am an RPCV (returned Peace Corps volunteer).

The Peace Corps was a great experience for me, and I still do not even understand all of the things that have changed inside of me.

The least of which being the mild parasite found in me during the Peace Corps medical tests. :-)

New Job!

2008-08-06T18:17:00.001+02:00

I have just been offered a contract in Namibia to work on their new national OVC database! Wow, I am sooo happy. :-)

More details to follow...

Walking Home

2008-08-02T19:09:00.001+02:00

Just a shot of what I see walking home. :-)

Back Home

2008-08-02T16:05:00.001+02:00

I am finally back home. It feels good. I think I had let quite a bit of stress build up inside of me with all the running around I was doing.

Today I am just relaxing, alone, to let my brain slow down just a little bit.

Tonight I will go drink Amarula with Tate Philip! :-)

Zambia

2008-07-24T10:13:00.004+02:00

Today I fly to Zambia to give a presentation about how to use databases for managing information on orphans and vulnerable children. I may also be talking about how databases can be used to support services around the distribution of ARVs (Antiretroviral treatment for HIV).

I will return from Zambia on Saturday.

Waiting

2008-07-03T13:13:00.001+02:00

It is just about time to get no the plane to South Africa. :-)

Flying to Windhoek

2008-07-03T06:35:00.001+02:00

Here is the plane that brought me to Windhoek yesterday. Today I leave for South Africa.

Running!

2008-07-01T11:20:00.001+02:00

We short-circuitde the security system, pushed started the car, and are now back no the road. :-)

Broke Down

2008-07-01T10:17:00.001+02:00

We stopped the car to pick up some more people, and now it won't start. It could be because of a faulty security system.

Leaving Opuwo

2008-07-01T09:27:00.001+02:00

I am just now hiking from Opuwo. I nice man helped me get a part-way there hike.

On The Way To Opuwo

2008-06-28T12:51:00.001+02:00

I'm just now in a combi on the way to Opuwo.

A Little Hectic

2008-06-27T13:03:00.002+02:00

Stuff is going on again:

Today teach in Okashandja to OVC girls.

Saturday travel to Opuwo.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday: Fix computers for a youth centre.

July 1: travel to Ondangwa.

July 2: travel to Windhoek.

July 3: travel to Johannesburg, South Africa.

July 4: give a presentation on the OVC database.

July 5: travel to Windhoek.

:-)

Fish for Supper

2008-06-26T20:28:00.002+02:00

This evening a friend gave me two fresh fish. :-)

I fried them up nicely with some spicy chicken wing batter my mom had sent me.

When I gave a fillet to my Kuku, she took one bite and said: "nantago", which means "again". She liked it so much she wanted another fillet. :-)

Sarafina!

2008-06-19T18:59:00.003+02:00

Today I provided three showings of the movie Sarafina! to a school near my house.

The film was part of special activities at the school in remembrance of June 16th, 1976.

On that day many children rose up and protested against apartheid.

Child-Headed Households

2008-06-12T16:56:00.003+02:00

I just came back from a half-day tour of 5 child-headed households.

Imagine groups of children living together without running water, electricity, or parents.

It can be easy to forget the suffering of others while sitting at home watching reality television and eating home delivery pizza.

A Picture from the trip.

My Place

2008-06-09T14:21:00.004+02:00

I am starting to understand my place in the world.

Many times, when I am present and calm and attentive I can help people heal.

Now, I will find ways to do it more often... :-)

Things

2008-06-02T16:16:00.000+02:00

"The best things in life are not things."

Art Buchwald

Shaky But Standing

2008-06-02T16:14:00.001+02:00

I am a little shaky, but I am standing.

For me, I am always jumping in head first.

But, I would not have it any other way. :-)

Off-Roading

2008-05-27T23:06:00.001+02:00

Following your heart does not always mean doing what makes sense...following your heart is more like off-roading through life.

Repaired

2008-05-26T12:49:00.008+02:00

My heart was utterly broken, and my love was laid out for her to see, and in the end it was enough.

And she stopped her day for me. And my friends stopped their day for me. And they helped repair my heart.

Now my heart is glued together with the love of others.

Broken

2008-05-24T12:47:00.000+02:00

I thought it would be enough to fill my heart with love.

I thought my full heart would convince her I was the right man, but my full heart was not enough, and then it broke, and she saw my weakness.

Now, I am even alone in my dreams.

My First Present to Myself

2008-05-23T20:59:00.003+02:00

I just remembered that when I am feeling really sad, it is most likely that I have a bunch of emotions that I have not yet shared with right person, and that finally sharing them can make a big, positive difference in how I feel.

Cake

2008-05-23T16:08:00.002+02:00

Here is a picture of the cake that my friends got for me on my birthday!

Following My Heart

2008-05-23T09:38:00.003+02:00

I was just making some updates to my blog format, and I happened to re-read its title "Following My Heart".

I realized, it is very easy to know where my heart points -- I only need to think about something, and then be quiet and still. My heart is getting used to speaking up for itself, but it still needs me to give it a little room to announce how it feels.

As a birthday present to my heart, I am going to listen to it as much as I can today!

Birthday

2008-05-23T09:28:00.003+02:00

Today is my birthday. I am happy to be experiencing yet another one. :-)

I am just now waiting for a ride. I am going to teach for a couple of hours on HIV/AIDS related topics to a small group of my Namibian friends. I am excited for this class, because it will be with friends, and I like giving the presentation that I will be showing them.

I am hoping that later today a friend will come over and we can cook a nice birthday meal together, while listening to music and then watch a nice movie while we eat our freshly cooked food.

Presents

2008-05-22T09:49:00.004+02:00

Tomorrow is my birthday. I have been thinking about what I want for a long time. I realized that I have everything I need right now, except one thing...a partner. I thought by now, I would have found the special woman that is out in the world waiting for me.

I go back-and-forth between:

Being OK with being alone and rationalizing that I must first learn to completely enjoy being alone before being able to full be with another person.
Feeling a starving hunger for a woman who I can be (as people in the North Namibia say) one person with. (Its a saying that just means to be in a relationship with another person)

Still In The Hoek

2008-05-20T09:38:00.002+02:00

I am still in Windhoek. I have been creating a database for the Peace Corp to use. The database will help Namibia's Peace Corps administration track the activities reported by their volunteers.

I think I will be going back home this weekend. Next week, I will be helping with a gender norms workshop in the north.

Back Online

2008-05-12T12:36:00.003+02:00

Well, my attempt to document my hike from Ondangwa to Windhoek in real-time failed, because I lost my phone along the way. :-(

I left my phone in the vehicle that dropped me near Windhoek. It feel a little sad, because the phone was still working very good. I was able to buy a new phone using money left over from the sale of my motorcycle. Its kinda like my motorcycle has been reincarnated as my phone.

The new phone has a great feature for photo blogging. I can take a picture with the phone, and then have it sent directly to my blog. I will be experimenting with it soon. :-)

This week I am in Windhoek to conduct a workshop on the OVC database that another volunteer and I created. It should be a fun time.

First lift

2008-05-03T10:31:00.000+02:00

Just got my first lift all the way to Windhoek.

----  Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Waiting

2008-05-03T08:33:00.000+02:00

Now I am just waiting at the magic speed bump in Ondangwa to get a hike.

----  Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

On the Way

2008-05-03T07:35:00.000+02:00

I'm just now leaving for Windhoek. It will probably be am all day hiking adventure. :)

----  Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

No Change

2008-05-01T18:04:00.000+02:00

I didn't come here to change people. I came only to help my neighbors. Jay Haase, 2008.

----  Sent using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone

Heroes

2008-04-30T16:19:00.000+02:00

Last night I was traveling home from town. I had left the Peace Corps office late because of a busy day. It took me a while to get my second taxi ride, so by the time I started the walk home through the field it was very dark. Twice during the walk, something screeched at me. It was cloudy, and the moon was not around. I was starting to get scared...

Then I remembered how my dad always seemed to be so brave. I decided to imagine that he was walking with me, and then my fear left me.

I was reminded of the TV show "Heroes". There is a character on the show, Peter, who can absorb the super powers of other people. If he absorbs the super power of person X, he can later use that super power. To trigger the super power from person X, all he has to do is imagine how he feels when he is around person X. Its like the memory of person X triggers the super power he absorbed.

I realized that real life can be like that. If we know someone with special powers, powers that can make us feel good or help us handle situations; all way have to do is deeply imagine that person is with us, to tap into their special powers. :-)

OVC Database

2008-04-18T11:18:00.000+02:00

(OVC is an acronym for orphans and vulnerable children)

I have been working these last two weeks with my colleagues from Church Alliance For Orphans, CAFO.

Here is a link to their website

We were training some of the CAFO satellite offices on the use of a database created by myself and another Peace Corps volunteer, Miriam. The database helps its users document, organize, and report on the services they provide to orphans and vulnerable children.

I would be happy to share the database with any organization that is trying to help children. The database is written in Microsoft Access, and can run on most PCs, even old ones... :-)

HIV/AIDS Presentation

2008-04-05T12:37:00.001+02:00

I am trying to keep my friends and family more informed of what I am doing...hence another posting about what I am doing :-)

I have been creating a presentation about HIV and AIDS that I can use at a moments notice. I have already presented it to a group of school kids and another Peace Corps volunteer.

You may need to press the pause button from time-to-time to easily read the slides.

Efuma

2008-04-04T16:33:00.001+02:00

There are a lot of frogs in northern Namibia. Wait, let me restate that: there are a lot of big frogs in northern Namibia.

My host brothers like to trap frogs for supper. A few days ago, Jeson asked me if I wanted to see how he caught big frogs. I smiled and said "Yes!"

I thought he would sneak up on the frogs to catch them, maybe some people do that, but my host brother uses a frog trap. He has dug a hole about 8 inches square and 2 feet deep. The hole is designed to trap the frogs that fall in, because they are unable to jump out.

Then, Jeson caught three or four small frogs and tied them together with grass. He hung the small frogs from a stick so they were suspended over the hole. Once we walked away from the trap, the small frogs started making a lot of noise. Jeson smiled and told me they would bring the large frogs, because the large frogs would want to eat the small frogs.

The large frogs did come, hearing the plight of the small frogs, and unluckily for them at least some of them fell into the hole.

I cooked the frogs in a chakalaka soup (a spicy sauce) with carrots and potatoes.

Here are some pics: Efuma Pics

An Average Day

2008-03-28T08:04:00.000+02:00

Wanna see what I do on an average day? I picked a random day, and then took many photos throughout the day. On this day, I worked at the community centre, so no taxi rides were needed.

An Average Day (its big, 31 megs)

Click on the movie window to advance to the next picture. It may work best to right click on the link and download the file before viewing it.

Pictures of My House

2008-02-27T10:24:00.000+02:00

Wanna see how I live? Here is a small interactive movie that shows the rooms of my house.

My House

Click on the movie to advance to the next picture.

Ball Bearings

2008-02-19T15:40:00.001+02:00

Yesterday, a small boy gave me a big gift: ball bearings.

Ball Bearings

Sorry about the redirection, its easier for me to put the photos on my other site.

I'm Glad...

2008-02-05T19:38:00.000+02:00

Today I was creating a list of activities (from reference material I have) that will help people (mostly men) come in better touch with many aspects of their own gender norms (and the impacts of those norms on other people). Many people are unaware of the actions the take just because of their own, deeply internalized gender norms. Here is an example activity (takne from a book on male engagement):

1. Separate the participants into same-sex groups.

2. Give each group a sheet of newsprint and a marker. Ask the participants to come up with as many endings as they can for the following sentences:

Male group: I’m glad I’m a man because…
Female group: I’m glad I’m a woman because…

3. Give the groups another sheet of newsprint, and ask the participants to come up with as many endings as they can to the following sentences:

Male group: If I were a woman, I could…
Female group: If I were a man, I could…

4. Tape the sheets on the wall, and discuss the responses by asking the following questions:

Were any of the responses the same for both genders?
Was it harder for members of either of the gender groups to come up with reasons they are glad of their gender? Why do you think this is?
How does the first set of responses of one gender group compare to the second set of the other gender?

Frogs

2008-01-28T14:38:00.000+02:00

I just finished eating a frog (efuma). It is a tradition to eat frogs here, especially now during the raining season because there is so many frogs around. This email must be short because my battery is dying.

I walked into town today and did some more shopping and also went to the Peace Corps office. It looks like I will be going back into town on Thursday. Its kinda a big affair to go into town and by groceries, the round trip states are --> two 40 minute walks, three taxi rides, carrying groceries, walking around big puddles...

The North, where I am now, seems to be very different from the south.

I'm Here

2008-01-28T02:32:00.000+02:00

Things are very different at my new site.

I have no electricity or running water in my house. There is actually no electricity anyplace on the homestead (farm). There is running water on the homestead. I fill a big container of water that I use in my house. There is a nice toilet and shower I can use in a separate building from my house.

I am using a propane stove, and do not have a refrigerator yet...I don't know when I will get one. During the night, I use an old kerosine lamp for light in my house.

It has been raining every night since I have been here, and even raining some of the days. Today (Sunday) I walked to church with the kids. It took 45 minutes through the rain and puddles. I was soaked by the time I got there. I was introduced to the congregation, and soon I will begin working with the youth in the community.

I have already met with the Principal of a nearby school, and have begun helping him with his computers. I will probably be doing some self-esteem courses for the learners at his school. He is reading my materials now. I was able to charge my computer and cell phone while I was fixing his computers. :-)

There are many chickens, goats, 2 pigs, 2 dogs, and 1 cat on the farm. The farm is run by a 77 year old woman. Her name is Kuku Selma (Kuku means grandmother). She doesn't know any English. Most of the time people are only speaking Oshindonga to me.

Its a 45 minute walk just to the tar road. I am told I can get a taxi into town from the tar road...we will see tomorrow, because I will try to go into town.

Next Stop

2008-01-10T04:53:00.000+02:00

I'm just finishing up my visit in the States with my family. It has been a good time.

Soon I will be headed back to Namibia to start my 3rd year. I am excited about this 3rd year because I will be trying new things in a new location.

I don't know if I will have Internet access, electricity, or even running water. That's OK though.

Jay.

Ileni

2007-12-15T19:31:00.000+02:00

I just created a website the hosts many of my pictures from Namibia. You can check it out at the following link:

www.ileni.com

Jay.

Updated Plans

2007-11-02T09:32:00.001+02:00

Through a series of lucky events, I will be staying in Namibia one more year. I will have a completely different assignment, in a completely different part of Namibia.

I will be working in community development (not IT). I will also be staying with a family on a homestead. There is a chance there will be no electricity and no running water. I will also be learning a new language: Oshindonga. The family will probably speak only a little English.

Its the type of assignment I had been hoping for since I started the Peace Corps sign-up process.

I will be coming home for over a month! I will leave Namibia on December 2nd and arriving back in Namibia on January 15th.

PS: Anyone want to donate an LCD project for use in Namibia to help with teaching male gender norms -- as a way to combat HIV/AIDS?

Next Plans

2007-07-23T16:37:00.000+02:00

Just lately (like yesterday), I began crafting a new schedule of activities, my plans, post Peace Corps....

The First Thing
Go home and celebrate Christmas with my family.

The Second Thing
Move in with my daughter's family, and help them with Jayse, my new grandson, for a couple of months.

The Third Thing
Return to Africa, and travel from its Southern tip to its Northern tip, helping people along the way.

A Footnote
I am on a search for myself, and even though I know that I am right here, I have become very good at hiding from myself -- so good, that I think I will have to trick myself just to find me. I have seen that putting myself into a new culture forces me to learn about myself, and that is in fact, what I will do.

For all intensive purposes, my religion is:

I must seek to understand myself, so that I can become a mirror for others.

My goal is:

I will go out into the world and help where help is needed most. I will find those places where there is great suffering an go there, serving others with compassion; removing what suffering I can.

Goal Version 2.0

2007-07-22T16:13:00.000+02:00

A few weeks ago, I decided to update my goal -- I had been reading a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, and was feeling inspired. My old goal was:

I will go out into the world and help where help is needed most.

My new goal is:

I will go out into the world and help where help is needed most. I will find those places where there is great suffering an go there, serving others with compassion; removing what suffering I can.

The book I was reading is called "Creating True Peace" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Before I Die

2007-07-20T16:20:00.000+02:00

I have been thinking about what I will do next, after the Peace Corps. Thoughts of post PC come to me at random intervals. It is an exciting thing for me, and another unexpected perk of being in the Peace Corps.
It feels as if my life has been opened up to me, and I am free to go where I need to go. I feel as if another big adventure is just around the corner for me.
A while ago, I compiled a list of some of things I would like to do before I die. Here they are, in no important order:

Live in a rural area of Japan.
Do more rock climbing.
Be a shepherd with a dog (most preferably in South America).
Be a beach bum in the Caribbean.
Go to Thailand.
Have sex with two women at the same time.
Become more and more comfortable with myself.
Have nice dread locks.
Go to Machu Picchu.
Live in a rural area of China, have a live-in housekeeper, and teach her English in exchange for her work (or even two live-in housekeepers, because it could solve two goals at once).

?

2007-06-20T21:41:00.000+02:00

I feel like writing many things right now, I have the urge to write a lot of meaningful, thought provoking sentences, but for some strange reason I am devoid of any meaningful thoughts at the moment.

Still, all is good, and I am happy :-)

In a thoughtless way :-)

Science Fair

2007-05-30T16:58:00.000+02:00

Hey all, one of my fellow Peace Corps volunteers is raising money to send his students to a science fair. Check out the link below if you are interested in donating a little money.

Science Fair Fund Raiser

Mind Wounds

2007-05-30T04:41:00.000+02:00

What if mind wounds healed like body wounds?

If I get a cut on my hand, I just clean it, leave it alone, and in a little time it heals.

To often when I get a mind wound, I repeatedly sprinkle it with infectious thoughts, and then unrelentingly probe it.

What if when I get a mind wound, I just cleaned it, and then left it alone?

Heavy Water

2007-05-11T21:53:00.000+02:00

How long can you hold a small glass of water? Such a glass weighs very little.

Even a very strong, big person will feel tiredness and pain after holding a small glass of water for too long. After some point, anyone must put the small glass of water down and rest their arm.

I’m surprised, scared, and relieved; because I have just now realized how easy it is for me unknowingly hold a small glass of stress for too long. The effects of holding such a glass sneak up on me. By the time I notice the effects, they are so big that I find it hard to recognize their source: a small, unthreatening, glass of sunlit, vitamin filled stress.

Monsters

2007-04-12T16:20:00.000+02:00

Last night, I escorted a friend to her house. This involved taking a taxi with her, deep into one of the locations of Windhoek. A location is like a ghetto; and this location was about an hour walk from town. It was around 10 pm, and there were not many taxis out and about.

The taxi that my friend and I were in was not headed back to town. After dropping my friend near her house I was dropped at the nearest petro station where the driver thought I might be able to find a different taxi that would take me into town.

I waited at the petro station for about 15 minutes, before finding a taxi that was willing to take me back into town. I noticed my driver was going to buy more petro, so I paid him in advance. As we were driving away from the petro station, he asked if it was alright if we quickly made a turn (I quick stop at one of his friend's houses) before heading into the town. I said "sure, no problem."

The driver was thoughtful for a moment, and then made the following question-statement "you’re not afraid?" I told him "no, I live in a location in Southern Namibia."

For a while, we talked about locations and how white people did not go into them.

With a calm seriousness, the black driver said to me, "will you tell the rest of them that we are not monsters? We are people just like them."

Shoulders

2007-04-02T22:27:00.000+02:00

People are all around me, and yet I am alone. I look and see the people moving into groups – they think they are coming together. They seem to feel a sense of accomplishment and comfort as they group up; but they are actually just separating, and I am the only one that seems to notice. Tears begin pouring inside of me, and I yell “We are not different! We are all the same!” I fall down weeping.

Those important pieces of me seem to be separating – for how can it be otherwise? I feel that I am in everyone, and everyone is in me.

At some point a hand gently comes to my shoulder. My body is worn from weeping, and in my despair, I turn to see a woman. She is beautiful and strange and quiet and she does not look at all like me. She holds me until I stop weeping. With strength and love and tenderness she smiles and slowly says to me: “We are not different, we are just the same.” I want to melt into her, and stay with her forever, but she is already gone.

As I stand up, I see that the other people have not moved; but even so, I now see only one big group of People. I am happy as I realize I can walk amongst all the people. I gently go forward and touch each of their shoulders.

Away From Blog City

2007-02-26T21:56:00.000+02:00

Just wanted everyone to know that I am OK, and that I am just away from Blog City.

My life continues to be in full color, leaving little time for blogging. I will be back in the States at the end of May to attend my daughter's wedding -- Yay!

I hope things are OK with you,
Jay.

Merry Christmas Eve!

2006-12-24T21:04:00.000+02:00

It's Christmas Eve, and even though I am missing my family greatly, I am in good spirits.

In my Peace Corps service, I am regularly getting to face my demons. Sometimes they bring me down for a while, but in the end they are the ones going down town. As for right now, they are all mostly down town for the holidays. :-)

In just a few months, my parents are coming to visit me. I am very excited for their visit. I am excited to see them, and their reaction to Namibia and its people. I am hoping it will be a life changing event for them.

I am feeling more and more at home in my community, and I feel like I have many friends here. Now if I could just find some snow and a decorated Christmas tree.

Happy Holidays, and a Joyful New Year!

Fear of Engulfment

2006-09-03T11:45:00.000+02:00

Ok, I have been doing some reading.

I think I have put a better name to my ailment. It’s not the fear of intimacy that plagues me; rather, it is the fear of engulfment -- of being invaded, of being controlled, and then losing myself.

I guess this paragraph pretty well sums it all up -- I found it on the web:

“When we learn how to speak up for ourselves and not allow others to invade, smother, dominate and control us, we will no longer fear losing ourselves in a relationship. Many people, terrified of losing the other person, will give themselves up in the hope of controlling how the other person feels about them. They believe that if they comply with another's demands, the other will love them. Yet losing oneself is terrifying, so many people stay out of relationships due to this fear. If they were to learn to define their own worth and stand up for themselves, the fear would disappear.”

It is true, I am afraid of losing myself…I have just started to really like myself, and the thought of losing who I am that makes me quake in my boots; specially because it has happened to me a few times before.

I do not want to loose who I am becoming.

A Perfect Excuse

2006-08-26T12:22:00.000+02:00

More than a few times in my life, I have been asked the same question by different people. The question always disarmed me, and each time, it was asked I would frantically search inside myself for the answer. After a brief moment, I would carefully cloak myself in all the calmness I could muster, and answer “I’m not sure, I guess I like adventures”.

The question I dreaded being asked was: What are you searching for?

For a long time I have had a slow, strong, deep desire – a sort of warm longing for some unknown thing. For whatever reason, until today, I was unable to put a name to that desire.

---------------------------------

I have found that Peace Corps service is amplifying my shortcomings, and through this amplification is providing me an opportunity to face those shortcomings head on (free from the many distractions found in the States).

Such service, being far from home, in another country, trying to understand another culture, trying to give meaningful help to others, trying to understand what making a difference really means, has given me many opportunities to look inside myself and face those things lurking there.

---------------------------------

I have not written much in my blog much since arriving in Namibia, nor have I written much email back home to my family and friends. This has bothered me, and I have made many excuses to myself and others in an effort to explain away this shortcoming on my part. Just today, a series of events occurred which helped me to understand this shortcoming, and helped me put a name to what I have been searching for, for so long.

Today, during a discussion with a friend, I was forced to face my lack of discourse with those back home. I was frustrated with the questions and statements my friend made, and I was surprised by my frustration. My reaction forced me once again to search in myself in an effort to understand why such innocent questions by my friend would cause such a strong reaction in me.
Peace Corps service can bring about a certain clarity of mind, much like being a hermit or shepherd might provide. For the past couple of days, I have been experiencing a wonderful calmness and clarity of mind. It is my luck that this clarity occurred in conjunction with my unplanned inner search.

I began asking myself: What am I afraid of? Why am I avoiding interactions with those people that mean so much to me? A series of answers and questions moved through my thoughts. Seemingly unconnected thoughts and feelings began to connect. I could probably capture some of those connections in this blog entry, but those deep inner workings of my mind are difficult to write down in a comprehensible manner…so, I will cut to the chase.

I have vividly realized the one thing I am searching for is: emotional intimacy.
I have finally admitted to myself the one thing I am deathly afraid of is: emotional intimacy.

What an ironic thing, to be afraid of the one thing I want the most.

---------------------------------

I have been spending all of my extra energy in Namibia meeting many new people. It is easy to meet new people here, because many people are curious to why I’m here. I guess it is one of the perks of being a stranger in a strange land.

The brief interactions I have with new people provide me a small portion of the intimacy I am searching for. There is for me, a wonderful feeling of warmth, the first time I exchange smiles with a new person. Each day, I am able to meet so many new people, that if I try hard enough, I am able to do a pretty good job of satisfying my need for intimacy. But, it is only an illusion – only a temporary fix.

This temporary fix, this far away, relatively unconnected place has given me the freedom to avoid that intimacy that I am so afraid of. It has also given me a temporary solution to my longing, through many warm, brief interactions with curious new people, but in the end it is a relatively empty self-medication.

I guess I have always been running away from intimacy. I just never had the courage to do it well enough -- because I did not have a strong enough excuse, an excuse like Peace Corps service.

---------------------------------

For all of you that I have been avoiding, please know that it is nothing you have done.

Please be happy, that the same service that has allowed me to withdraw for awhile has also helped me to acknowledge my biggest fear, my fear of intimacy. Know that I will be working hard to understand this fear because it is standing directly in the way of what I most desire.

Thank you to a friend, her father, and an email they shared, that was then shared with me.

Pods

2006-06-17T17:29:00.000+02:00

Today I went for a walk with Sisi and Sirus (the two dogs that follow me when I walk). Sisi is a very large Ridgeback and has only one eye. Sirus (the virus) is a very small bristly haired mutt that likes to pick fights with dogs that are five times as big as he is.

We walked to the natural spring that is by my flat. For a while, I sat on a dirt pile and watched children gather wood and water for their families. The children that gather wood and water can be very young. I saw two boys around the age of 5 carrying small metal axes to help them gather wood.

There was a small group of children at the spring. They kept waving and yelling to me. Whenever I would wave back, they would laugh and cheer. It was a happy little game that we played for a short time. The children would alternate who would wave at me. I think they were trying to see if they each, in turn, could get the same response from me. It is rare for white people to be in the Location, and even more rare for them to wave back at children.

After the group of children had gathered some water from the spring, they walked to a group of nearby trees and began throwing rocks up into the branches of the trees. I was thinking they must be trying to knock some sort of fruit down. I was wrong; they were trying to knock a certain type of dried pod down from the tree branches. I'm not sure what they were going to do with the pods. Up North, I know that people feed them to goats, but there are not many goats here. I have tried to burn the pods myself, and I can tell you that they don't burn very well.

I walked over to the children, and used my slingshot to help shoot some pods down. They did not know what to think of the strange white man, with two mismatched dogs, and a slingshot. At first, only one boy was standing by me (the others had retreated to a nearby tree). The brave boy quickly called the other children over to me, when he determined that I was safe.

Another boy pulled out his own, home-made slingshot, and together we shot down pods.

Feeling My White-ness

2006-06-15T13:27:00.000+02:00

Back in the States, I almost never thought of my skin color. If I did think about it at all, it was due to a direct conversation with another person about skin color.

Here in Namibia, I think about my skin color many times each day.

Most often, my recognition of my own skin color, occurs when something unexpected happens during an interaction with another person. And then, in that first moment of unexpected-ness, this question leaps through my mind:

Did that just happen because I am white?

Sometimes the situation is comical, sometimes its scary, and sometimes it just makes me mad. The good news is, I am slowly getting used to the whole idea, and now I mostly find the situations comical.

This does help me understand, if even only in a small way, what minorities in the States experience every day.

Jays Phat Mac

2006-06-14T22:48:00.000+02:00

My Mac is back in operation!

The environment here in Namibia is very tough on computers: extreme heat, dust, extreme heat, dust, and more dust. Most of the volunteers in my Peace Corps group with laptops are experience one or more significant problems with their laptop.

Until just this past weekend, my laptop was randomly and routinely crashing. It especially crashed whenever I would try to use the mail application. This made it very difficult (and very frustrating) to send email.

Somehow, I stumbled upon a great piece of Mac software called "Carbon Copy Cloner" produced by Mike Bombich. The wonderful application is donation-ware. That means you can use it for free, and if you like it, you should donate money to the developer.

This software is so useful that it help fixed my computer, the computer of another Peace Corps volunteer, and there is yet another volunteer on deck to have her Mac fixed as soon as she can travel down to my place in Southern Namibia.

This post is an official "shout out" to Mike and his great program. You have been a tremendous help to Peace Corps volunteers in Namibia!

New Start

2006-06-14T19:42:00.000+02:00

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the local New Start center, to experience being tested for HIV/AIDS in Namibia.

New Start centers are found in many Namibian cities. They provide low cost HIV/AIDS testing and counseling to anyone that walks through their doors. During the month of May, they offered free tests. I had been wanting to get tested for a long time, for two reasons:

I was very curious about the process.
I would find it hard to encourage others to be tested, if I had not gone through the process myself.

It was late in the afternoon when I found myself near the New Start Center. Shoni and I were waking home from town. The time seemed perfect, so I said "see you soon" to Shoni, and headed towards the Center.

I have no reason to think I have HIV. I have been celibate for a long while now, and my last HIV test was more than 3-months after my last escapade (there is an initial 3-month window of time after infection when HIV tests will show negative even though HIV is present). Even so, I felt myself becoming nervous as I approached the Center. I kept thinking "What would happen next in my life, if I found out I had HIV".

As I entered the Center, I was greeted by an intake worker. She was very pleasant. I felt as though she was surprised to see me; and I wondered how many white people came to the Center. I told her that I would like to be tested for HIV.

In her office, she created a case file for me, and recorded a small amount of information about me. In order to protect my anonymity, she did not ask me for my real name; rather, she asked me for an alias. My real name was not used on any of the paperwork. When the paperwork was completed, she showed me to the waiting room.

A few minutes went buy......a counselor came and collected me. Together we walked to a private counseling room. I was hoping she could not sense my nervousness.

We talked for about 15 minutes. She asked me to tell her what I knew about HIV, how it worked, and how it was contracted. I told her what I knew. She asked me a series of questions like: when I last had sex, and if I had used a condom. We talked some more about what I might do, and how I might feel if I found out today that I had HIV. She asked me who I was planning to share my results with. At one point, I had to sign a disclaimer using my thumb print (in order to preserve my anonymity). When the pretest counseling was finished, we walked to the small lab at the end of the hallway.

The HIV counselor calmly prepared the rapid test equipment. A constant stream of repeating dialogue cycled through my brain while she was preparing the equipment:

Don't be nervous; there is no way I can have HIV; talk calmly; make a little joke; I hope she doesn't think I am nervous; how would I feel if I were a young girl that had just had sex; don't be nervous; smile and say something intelligent...

Rapid tests are wonderful, because they only take 15 minutes to process. A quick finger prick, some dabbing of blood, a little small talk, and I was released back into the waiting room.

About 15 minutes later, the same counselor came and retrieved me. Together we walked back to our counseling room. I was amazed at how well she was able to show no indication of my status during our walk.
Once we were in the room, we talked for a while -- surprisingly I don't remember what we talked about. My recollection of the discussion begins at the point of her telling me the results of my test. I was immediately relieved. After a brief discussion about the results, we talked about the things I should do, and not do, to stay HIV free.

This entire experience was very powerful, and now, I keep thinking of how hard this process must be for someone who is afraid they might have HIV. I am heart seer for those people.

What? Now That's Stress...

2006-06-12T19:39:00.000+02:00

I just got back from a great Peace Corps training session in Swakopmund, Namibia. I thoroughly enjoyed the training.

All of the volunteers in Namibia (the volunteers from my group, and the volunteers from the two other groups still in Namibia) converged on Swakop. It was the first time many of us had seen each other. It was a joyful time for me, getting to see such wonderful people.

During one of the training sessions, we talked about the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. This scales is used to measure the relative amount of stress life changes can cause. Peace Corps service (and all that makes it up) resulted in a score of 320.

Here are some other relative scores for major life events:

Death of spouse 100
Divorce 73
Marital separation 65
Detention in jail 63
Marriage 50

As we know, being stressed can increase the chances of illness, see these crazy facts below:

Less than 150 --> 30% chance of developing a stress-related illness
150 - 299 --> 50% chance of illness
Over 300 --> 80% chance of illness

Ouch! That's a lot of stress!

I felt a lot better after learning the above -- I had thought I was just weak before hearing it.

:-)

Sleep well, the moon is full in Africa tonight!

A Snapshot of My Thoughts

2006-05-25T21:38:00.000+02:00

Today, I am tired. There are many thoughts populating my mind, and I feel that if I put them in this blog, some strange karma-ticly good thing will happen to me (or, maybe I am just lonely, and hoping my soul-mate will read this and know who I am).

I will remember to be less.
I will remember to be less judgmental of myself so that I am less judgmental of others.
I will remember to not worry about the outcome so that I can enjoy the peace that follows.
I will remember that I can have peace.
I will remember that peace is every step.
I will keep learning about myself so that I can be less of me, and more for the people I meet -- to be like a mirror reflecting to them their own brilliance.
I will be patient with myself so that I can be more patient with the people I meet.
I will remember that life is short.
I will not look for success, rather I will help others to achieve it.

There, I feel better now.

Imagine

2006-05-25T20:49:00.000+02:00

Imagine what can happen when, for many generations, a group of people are severely and strategically oppressed. Imagine what happens to their self-esteem, their initiative, their aspirations.

Think about someone you know that was in an oppressive relationship; and then think about how significantly that relationship affected them. For myself, I know that I am still trying to work out things from a relationship that only lasted four years.

Now imagine what can happen if such treatment goes on for generations.

Taxes

2006-04-14T00:54:00.000+02:00

I'm trying to get my taxes done, and I am doing a very good job of frustrating myself....

Move Slowly

2006-03-31T22:22:00.000+02:00

During these last four weeks, I have been giving an night class entitled "Where Will You Be....".

The class lasts three nights, and is two hours each night. I advertise the class as a way to help people define their goals. Actually, the class is really a vehicle for building the self-esteem of learners (students).

Here is a link to the materials I created for the class.

Why self-esteem?

Poverty, racism, colonialism, tribalism, alcohol abuse, and HIV/AIDS have decimated the self-esteem of way too many people here. I wonder if this is a common thread in third-world countries.

I am happy that I am here.

This is the place I wanted to be. I know that I can help -- I can share my enthusiasm and compassion, and even if its only for a brief moment, I can give them a little self-esteem.

I wish I could directly share with you, the emotions I experience when I interact with these wonderful people that have been taught to not value themselves.

Ever known a person that had been in a long-term
abusive
relationship?

Ever known someone with
so little self-esteem
that they were unable to raise their voice to a
normal
conversation
level?

Ever known a human being
with not even
one
other person they can go to for
support?

I meet these people every day.

I am afraid to move quickly when I talk closely with them
because when I do, they flinch
and my soul sinks.

Thanks Jen!

2006-03-31T21:34:00.000+02:00

I am much better now.

Yes Jen, the gremlins did get bored with me!

I just need to make sure I get enough good sleep.

Hard Day

2006-03-13T22:27:00.000+02:00

Today was a really hard day for me.

I woke up with all of the positive energy drained out of me. Maybe there is some sort of energy draining gremlin sleeping peaceful (and well fed) under my bed.

I have been struggling to make it through the day.

This job is wonderfully designed
to completely test those things in me
that I thought were the strongest.

I did not realize how quickly and completely I could go from "full steam ahead" to "quivering on the floor like a blob of warm jelly".

The energy draining gremlins here have learned how to avoid my current armada of coping mechanisms, and render me completely overwhelmed. I must remember, this too is what I wanted.

This life is wonderfully designed
to completely test those things in me
that I thought were the strongest.

This too, is what I wanted,
for I was unsure of my metal,
and longed to feel my own frailty.

For in viewing what is truly weak in me,
I believe I will find a strength
that will help everyone I meet.

Goolge?

2006-03-13T21:01:00.000+02:00

Even google looks different in Namibia....

The Weekend

2006-02-13T09:27:00.000+02:00

My first hiking experience was very nice. I hiked to and from Mariental. On the way there, I rode in the back of a covered pickup. At one point, there was 4 other hikers in the back of the pickup with me.

To get the ride with the pickup, I walked to the edge of town (about a 45 minute walk) and stood at the hiking point. The hiking point was near a road sign with a couple of big rocks under it. There were a number of other people waiting at the hiking point with me. I waited there for about 45 minutes until the small pickup pulled over. When cars drove by, I would stick out my arm, thumb pointed up, and rock my hand back and forth, indicating I was looking for a hike.

On the way back, I went to a gas station, and asked the service people if they could help me find a ride back home. They were very happy to help, and quickly found me a very nice ride back home (an air-conditioned small 4-door car). They even gave me a comfortable chair to sit on in the shade while I waited for them to find me a ride!

I like waiting on the side of the road better -- I think it is the way most Namibians hike. The gas station starting point seems to be the way privileged hikers hike. I am trying hard not to be a privileged person.

The way to Mariental cost me $20, and the way back cost me $40. I was told that a fair travel price was $30 -- I guess my average cost worked out then!

I spent most of the weekend working with another PCV to upgrade the PCs in her computer lab. I had a lot of fun, and we did get a lot accomplished.

Posted Some Pics!

2006-02-10T12:59:00.000+02:00

I just posted some pics taken near my house in Namibia.
You can find the pics at this place.

Busy Week

2006-02-10T09:13:00.000+02:00

This was a very busy week for me. My counterpart was unable to come to work the entire week, so I ended up teach all of the classes.

It was both a fun and a hard week. I have really gotten to know the students in the classes, and I am having fun with them.

One of my students is working as a technical assistant for me. I am trying to teach her everything about computers that I can.

Today, I will try hiking for the first time. I am headed to Mariental for the weekend. I will leave after my last class and go wait at the hiking point (hitch-hiking that is). Mariental is about 3 hours away.

I am very excited about hiking, and can not wait to see how I get to meet!

In Mariental, I will be staying with some other Peace Corps volunteers, and helping them to fix their school's computers.

Pieces of Eight

2006-02-10T09:09:00.000+02:00

This was a very good weekend. I am actually starting to catch up with my self.

For the longest time, I was not fully with my self. I think I a big part of my was lagging in the past, while another smaller part of my self darted around in the future. The smallest, left-over part was where it should be, in the present.

Today, at this moment, I am feeling the most present I have felt in a very long time.

Eyes Turning

2006-02-05T20:27:00.000+02:00

At this moment, I am tired of trying to create somehow meaningful posts; therefore this post will be relatively meaningless :-)

This morning, Shoni cooked some great vanilla and cinnamon pancakes. I cooked some hash browns. After breakfast, I did the dishes, and went for a walk.

I think this will be an introspective naweek for me.

Otherwise?

2006-02-01T16:48:00.000+02:00

I have been doing a lot of teaching this week. Some days I have been teaching 4 classes. It is both fun and frustrating.

I am still surprised on how hard it can be to communicate with other person even though we are both speaking English. Some conversations are peppered with alternating "What did you say?" from the American, and "Come again?" from the Namibian.

In Namibia, they have a form of English they call Nam-glish.

In Nam-glish, if you ask someone:

How are you?

They might say:

Good, thank you. Otherwise?

In this case, "otherwise" means --> "And, how about you?"

Real Movies

2006-01-31T09:57:00.000+02:00

Last night, we had some Namibian guests at our house to watch a little of the African Cup (soccer).

During the game we started to talk about movies. Our guests were confident that Rambo was a movie about real things, that is, the actions portrayed in the movie really happened.

We discussed a list of 12 other movies with them. All twelve were fictional movies that they had thought portrayed real events. Our guests believed that we had strange magic and wonder fighting powers in America, and that it would be nice to go to America and get some of that magic.

After we discussed the movies, one of our Namibian friends asked us if our fighting in Irag was real.

Namibian Newspaper Cup?

2006-01-27T22:56:00.000+02:00

Who'd a thought...I have had the busiest last few days since I have been in Africa -- they were just like some of my busy corporate days...

On last Friday, the director of the Youth Center asked me to help him create a presentation. He wanted to answer a "request for bids" from the Namibian Football Association, to host a soccer tournament in Keetmanshoop.

I spent the next five days (yes, both Saturday and Sunday) working closely with him, the Governor of the Karas region, the mayor of Keetmanshoop, Keetmanshoop council members, and soccer officers.

We created a PowerPoint presentation complete with a movie tour of the city. Yesterday five of us drove to Windhoek, and presented our bid to both the Football Association and the country's national newspaper (called The Namibian). Windhoek is around a 4 hour drive one way. It turned out to be a very long and very rewarding day.

We will hear on Tuesday if we get the bid! Receiving the bid could mean as much as a million dollars of unexpected revenue for the city.

The drive back from Windhoek is always beautiful, especially during sunset. I can not wait until my father can come and see the sunset with me.

Die Reenseisoen Begin

2006-01-17T17:49:00.000+02:00

The rainy season has begun! Its not as hot as it was before :-) but it is extremely humid :-(

Last night I did not sleep very well. I kept waking up. When the sounds caused by the wind were not waking me, my hair was; sporadically blowing across my face and imitating the movement of a deadly bug.

Tomorrow we have a big planning meeting at work. I think we will be discussing our potential activities for 2006.

Happy Day

2006-01-16T21:31:00.000+02:00

Today, some of our colleagues were headed into town. To our sheer joy, Shoni and I were able to tag along and get a free ride!

An unexpected free ride to town, especially during business hours, is a gift from heaven. In Namibia die son brand, and we are a 45 minute walk from town.

We were able to check our post office box, connect our laptops to the Internet at the local Internet cafe, and do our weekly grocery shopping. We were both so happy that we were officially giddy.

Shoni and I must walk to most places, and have to time things so that we are back before dark, because of safety concerns. We take a taxi when we we must, but work hard to avoid it because it would quickly eat up all of our Peace Corps allowance...a taxi ride into town costs $6 Namibian, or about a $1 USD...

As a point of reference, 30 minutes of Internet time at the cafe costs $20 Namibian.

It's Clear to Me Now

2006-01-15T13:52:00.000+02:00

I just realized why its been so hard to send email back home (besides the fact that it is very difficult to get Internet connectivity):

When I write home, I realize how much I miss my family and friends, and then I feel deeply heartseer. For the longest time, it was to hard to even thinking about writing home...

Heartseer is an Afrikaans word that means deeply sad or heart-sore.

To my friends and family, thank you for being patient with me. I am getting better.

First Week of Work

2006-01-15T11:42:00.000+02:00

My first week of official volunteer service is now under my belt!

I spent much of the week organizing the Youth Center's computer lab. I restored the network and standardized the 5 PCs. After the lab was online, I worked with my Namibian counterpart to create a proposal to upgrade the lab. We submitted the proposal, and then were asked to acquire cost quotations for our recommendations! We gathered the quotations, and will be submitting them this coming week.

I met with a computer center near my house, and worked out an awesome deal with them. If I fix and then perform routine maintenance on their computers, they will give Shoni and I free Internet access! I hope to spend time on their four computers this week.

There is a great hunger for computer knowledge and support here in Namibia. I am constantly being asked to help people and organizations with their computers -- I love it!

Attack

2006-01-09T21:51:00.000+02:00

Tonight is attack of the bugs night. For some reason tonight, a swarm of strange little bugs have begun to invade Shoni and my house. I think they are some sort of winged termite. They are about the same size as a black carpenter ant. They are brown, and run around with their butts up in the air. I was outside playing harmonica, and had to rush in because they kept landing on me.

They are attracted to the light, and enter the house in small groups of 3 or 4 (we have no screens on our windows). They run around on the floor like crazy looking for things. I was typing on my computer when I felt something tickling my foot. I looked down, and three of the little critters were zooming around under the arch of my foot (I was barefoot).

There is another set of bugs that have also arrived. They have wings that are about an inch long, and after they land in the house, their wings fall off. The bugs are pretty big; the good thing is they seem to disappear (to someplace I can't see) very quickly. The only reason I know they are here, is because I see their wings scattered about on the floor.

Home Stay - Christmas

2006-01-06T14:49:00.000+02:00

I did not spend Christmas eve with my host family. I returned to our training center eve of Christmas eve.

Before I left my host family's house, we opened the Christmas presents we gave each other. Before we opened presents, they gave me a most wonderful gift. The four family members that were at the house, sang a traditional Christmas song to me. They alternated, each singing loudly while the others sang background. It was so beautiful, all I could do was sit and smile while me eyes teared up.

My Pledge of Service

2006-01-06T11:18:00.000+02:00

At our Peace Corps swearing in ceremony, I said the following pledge:

I Jay Haase, pledge my service to the people of Namibia especially to those in the community to which I am assigned as a United States Peace Corps Volunteer.

As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I will join my talents, creativity, and hard work with those of my Namibian colleagues to envision and pursue the goals of the secondary education project.

I will honor and value the personal relationships that I develop with my family, friends, and professional peers, and abide by the highest standards of professional conduct.

I pledge to serve and learn with the people of Namibia to the best of my ability.

Home Stay - Train Station

2006-01-04T20:01:00.000+02:00

In Namibia, people travel a lot during the holidays (Christmas time). It is also common for members of the same family to travel to different locations for the holidays. For example, one family member may go to their uncle's house in Windhoek, one to a older sister's house in Luderitz, and three other members to the family farm in the country.

It so happened that one of my sisters was leaving for Windhoek via train. Her train was scheduled to leave around midnight, and consequently she needed an escort to the train station. I offered to be her escort, along with one of my other younger sisters. The three of us walked 15 minutes to the train station. When the train arrived, we helped our sister carry her bags onto the train, gave her hugs goodbye, and then left.

As we were walking away from the train station my younger sister grabbed my hand and we walked most of the way back holding hands. In Namibia, it is common to hold someone's hand -- be it the hand of another man or another woman. It is a warm act of friendship shared between opposite and same sex friends. It is even common for a handshake with a friend to last multiple minutes while the ttwo friends catch up on each others recent news.

After a little while of holding hands, I looked at my sister and said to her, "I bet you feel sad because your sister has left for Windhoek."

She said, "No, I feel better now because I am holding your hand."

I wish we felt more comfortable holding each others hands in America.

Home Stay - Guest Towel

2006-01-04T19:48:00.000+02:00

I had my own bedroom during my stay with my host family. My room was large, had a small desk, chair, bed, and wardrobe. On the wardrobe I hung a small towel that had the word "Guest" woven into it. I had brought the towel to help me remember I was a guest in Namibia.

My little brother was in my room one day, and asked me about the towel. I explained to him that it helped me remember that I was a guest in their house. My little brother looked at me, and said: "You are not a guest here, you are part of our family." As he finished saying family, he gave me a big hug.

Home Stay - Eating Highlights

2005-12-24T20:55:00.000+02:00

I just completed the home stay portion of my Peace Corps training. It was wonderful. My family is the best!

My host family is one of the most warm and loving families I have ever met. They brought me deep into their family and treated me as one of their own. I feel as though my heart is bigger for knowing them!

Here are some eating highlights of my home stay:

Having a traditional soot marks placed on my palms and chest to ensure my family's food would not make me sick
Helping butcher part of a Spring Bok
Helping butcher part of a lamb
Helping skin and butcher a Dik Dik
Helping cook over a fire in a traditional cast iron pot
Eating Dik Dik heart and lungs
Taking Mealie Maize from a shared bowl, forming a ball with it, and dipping it into a shared soup bowl
Making Italian spaghetti and meatballs for my family
Making eggs-in-the-hole for my family

First Day of Training

2005-11-14T13:59:00.000+02:00

Today was our first official day of training. I enjoyed it a great deal. I feel very lucky to be taking part in such an interesting and We had some very good information sessions:

The History of Namibia
First Afrikaans Language Class
Racism in Namibia

We also participated in a couple of medical information sessions and received more shots. I got a meningitis shot. Some people needed two shots today.

We have a pet spider in our room, and we call him Spewiy. His is very large, but does not scare us because he is much smaller than the very large spider we killed in our room last night. The spider was over three inches long, and had huge mandibles. It was the kind of spider that could eat a hardy sailor (comment from Mike, one of my roommates). It was very fast, and actually would not back down when Matt tried to poke at it.

Staging

2005-11-09T03:29:00.000+02:00

Wow, what a whirlwind!
Wow, what amazing people!
Wow, I leave for Africa tomorrow...

58 Americans have travelled to this location (Philly) to begin the process of learning how to integrate and seek acceptance in a foreign land. The Peace Corps calls this coming together Staging.

Certain feelings are very strong here, and being experienced by what seems to be everyone in the group. There is excitement, fear of the unknown, fear of lost baggage, fear of overweight baggage, unfocused anxiety, exceptional warmth towards others, and an extremely strange feeling: the fear of deciding to drop out.

It sounds strange, the fear of deciding to drop out -- and yet, it is not strange to me, for even I have felt it -- to my surprise. The only consolation to any of us is the fact that so many others in the group are experiencing the same feeling.

I had expected there to be warmth towards others; I had not expected the strength of it. I am truly in the company of some very wonderful people, and I am humbled.

In the spirit of "Into the Void", I am going to train my focus on the next rock.

Leaving

2005-11-08T03:29:00.000+02:00

It's 3:00 am and the Haase house is beginning to come to life. We have to leave the house at 3:45 am so that we can get to Madison, Wisconsin in time for my flight to Philly.

It is sad to leave the people I care about for such a long time. It is even harder for me to feel them feeling sad as I walk away.

I will arrive in Philly sometime after 11:00 am. Once I arrive I hope to hookup with two other Peace Corps volunteers and then the three of us will make our way to our hotel.

Will will need to get settled in, eat, and then go to registration. It sounds like I will be sharing a room with one or two other people.

New Bag Weights

2005-11-07T03:27:00.000+02:00

OK, scope creep even occurs in packing...

Here are my final bag weights:

Big backpack is 44 lbs
Duffle is 25 lbs
Little backpack is 18 lbs

M-bags

2005-11-05T03:26:00.000+02:00

Three post offices later...

I finally found a post office that handled m-bags. M-bags are the most inexpensive way to send international mail. The bags actually look like something carried by the Pony Express!

Under some most excellent advice from a current PCV in Namibia, I am using an m-bag to send a batch of books to myself. This reduced my total baggage weight by 9 lbs -- 9 lbs is a lot when you can only bring 80 lbs. Even better, it only cost $11!

Here are the books I sent myself:

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff (to help stay centered)
Mostly True Collected Stories and Drawings (for fun)
Peace is Every Step (to help stay centered)
The Art of Being a Healing Presence (to help stay centered)
The World is Flat (to understand current trends)
Maran Illustrated Computers (to help build training plans)
Ashtanga Yoga (to help stay in shape)
World Religions (a gift from a good friend)
The Man Who Planted Trees (a gift from a good friend)

Bag Weights

2005-11-04T04:38:00.000+02:00

For the curious, here are the weights of my bags:

Big backpack is 43 lbs
Duffle is 25 lbs
Little backpack is 13 lbs

The Bags

2005-11-03T08:15:00.000+02:00

I just finished packing my bags, and I got my Dad to take a pic of me holding them!

Trust me, they're not as heavy as they look!

Good to the Last Piece

2005-10-30T05:24:00.000+02:00

Yesterday was my last day of work as an IT Manager.

Many people asked me if it felt strange to be done with work, and so close to leaving. For some reason (probably a strange one) it does not feel at all strange to me.

I feel like all my puzzle pieces are in the right place.

The Group

2005-10-26T07:03:00.000+02:00

It looks like there will be 60 of us going to Namibia. 20 people are with Health and the rest are various types of teachers.

60 seems like a really big group!

Packing

2005-10-23T18:12:00.000+02:00

Yesterday I went to REI and bought the things I think I will need. I still have a few more items to get -- I'll do that later today.

I was up until 3:00 AM packing the gear that I had. I am using the following luggage:

Water proof duffle (3,500 cubic inches)
Internal frame backpack (6,000 cubic inches)
Day pack (1,800 cubic inches)

Here are the packing rules:

Checked luggage can not exceed a total of 80 pounds.
I can check at most to bags.
The dimensions of each bag must be totaled (length + width + height) and then added together (bag 1 + bag 2) and can not exceed 107 inches.
No bag can be more than 50 pounds.
I can have at most two carry-on bags.

Flight to Staging Setup

2005-10-17T17:10:00.000+02:00

My flight to staging in Philly has been scheduled! Here is the info:

Leave Madison, WI at 6:16 am on Monday the 7th.
Arrive in Philly at 11:07 am.

Here is some of the staging schedule:

Registration is from 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm on Monday.
Welcome is from 3:00 pm to 7:00 pm on Monday.
Training all day Tuesday.
Leave for Africa on Wednesday.

Staging Kit Arrived

2005-10-16T17:28:00.000+02:00

My staging kit has arrived. My Mom just received it at her house!

I have asked her to open it up. The kit will have my last minute instructions -- things like how to get my flight ticket to staging...

This whole thing is feeling very real right now.